Rose's Tatooine Adventure
by scifigeekgirl
Summary: The Doctor wants to help some stranded Jawas. Rose ends up a slave in Jabba the Hut's lair.  She's not happy


a/n: More Star Wars/DW crack fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or Star Wars and do not profit from anything mentioned in this story.

The dark and dank atmosphere of Jabba the Hut's lair did nothing to improve the already foul mood of Rose Tyler. She made her way through the corridors as bounty hunters and criminals leered at her and cat sized rat-like creatures scampered by her feet racing to who knows where. They had dressed her in a leather bikini held together by a few strings, and brass rings, making her braid her hair and put some type of slave collar around her neck. They shoved her into the corridor with a tray holding a pitcher of some alien liquor. This was not what she had in mind when she and the Doctor went exploring earlier in the day. She thought back to how it all went so wrong.

They had arrived at this little encampment in the middle of the desert where these dark robed midgets with glowing red eyes were stranded when their transport broke down. The Doctor, being the friendly and handy bloke he was, offered to help with repairs. The little creatures watched him as he cleaned some sand out of some mechanism and kept whispering amongst themselves. Rose had asked him if they should be worried but he just shrugged it off. That's about the time it went pear shaped. Suddenly, a hoard of the beastly little criminals swarmed them and thunked the Doctor on the head. They shot Rose with some type of stunning weapon. Next thing she knew, she was being dragged out of some dark cargo hold and handed over to some pale, bald headed bloke with yellow eyes who copped a feel. Well, copped a feel until she kneed him in the groin. Several nasty hefty giant tusked aliens dressed in armor grabbed her and hauled her off to some harem where several muscular female guards stripped her, threw the leather bikini at her and told her she was honored to serve the most noble Jabba the Hut.

So here she was pissed and about to meet her new master wondering where the Doctor was and if he was okay. As she reached the end of the corridor, she saw light and heard the pulsing beat of music. She emerged from the dark, filthy passageway and scanned the room. It was filled with various aliens, some dressed in armor and carrying weapons, some of the nasty little midgets who'd shot her, some that were wrapped like mummys in strips of dirty linens wearing gasmask type things with metallic goggles along with other assorted aliens. All paled in comparison to the large creature at the end of the room. Rose stared in horror at the very large, blubbery, lizard-like creature whose eyes now alighted on her. His head looked a bit frog-like with two large greenish brown eyes and huge mouth with a lizard like tongue that came out and licked his lips. He was greenish in color with bumpy reptilian flesh, no legs, a tale and two very small arms and hands in comparison to the rest of his body. His huge lounging body reminded her a bit of a giant slug.

She was shoved forward and walked by the band that was playing what looked like clarinets, horns and drums. They were aliens of all shapes and sizes. The singer was again, frog-like with a large snout that ended in two pouty red lips. She was singing some jazzy song with a fast beat. In the middle of the room dancing to the music, was a voluptuous blue girl with two smooth, blue appendages on her head that might have been her version of hair. She was dressed like Rose and was tethered to the large creature at the end of the room who was leering at her. He yanked her toward him and she resisted begging him no. One of his little hands violently pounded a button, her tether was cut and a trap door opened which she fell through screaming. Everyone huddled around where she fell and Rose was pushed toward the edge and watched as the girl was devoured by an enormous, frightening looking creature.

Rose was yanked back by the pale creature that fondled her at her arrival. "You learn to appreciate Master Jabba and maybe you live for a while," he whispered in her ear and then licked it. She was repulsed and pulled away from him and was yanked toward the enormous Jabba the Hut. She was tethered to the dais on which he lounged and he yanked her to him. She set down her tray as he fondled her hair and licked his lips, his eyes raking her body. "Jabba likes pretty. You be good to Jabba and he will be good to you." She pulled away with her carafe and he slapped her on the bum.

"Oh yes, let's give a hand to the poor aliens in need of help," she muttered, as she poured drinks for Jabba's criminal henchman. "Help the evil little munchkins and end up some tarty serving girl is more like it. Doctor, you better be on your way. You are so gonna owe me," she continued to mutter, as she tried to avoid the manhandling and arse squeezing.

Not long after she arrived, there was an incident in Jabba's main hall. Rose was curled asleep up in a corner as far from the disgusting Jabba as she was allowed. She woke up when she heard him laughing and the criminals around her muttering and grunting. Several of them surrounded a couple. Her eyes widened when she realized it was none other than Han Solo and Princess Leia. "You are so gonna regret missing this," she said to herself, thinking how the Doctor was really missing out.

Han who was blinded from carbonite sickness spoke to Jabba. "Hey, Jabba. Look, I was just on my way to pay you back, but I got a little sidetracked. It's not my fault." he said.

Jabba laughed at this. Rose listened as Han tried to negotiate only to be dragged off still threatening Jabba. "Not good," she murmured, as Leia was dragged up close to Jabba where Leia promised him that she had powerful friends and he would regret this. Jabba promptly licked her. "Ugh," Rose thought and felt for Leia. It wasn't long before Rose and Leia, both dressed in the scandalous leather bikinis were tethered to Jabba.

When Jabba was busy arguing with some of his henchman, Rose slipped over to Leia.

"Hi, I'm Rose. Sorry to meet you here."

Leia turned to her suspiciously. "Yeah, I'm sure," she said and glowered at Jabba.

"Don't worry, I have this brilliant friend who has a habit of blowing up people like that disgustin bloke over there," Rose told her, indicating Jabba. "He'll get us all out of here."

Leia turned to her and smiled. "You're friend wouldn't be part of the rebel alliance would he?" she asked.

Rose smiled brilliantly. "Oh, he's a rebel all right. Don't worry, he's never let me down. Oh and look out for the floor over there," Rose said and looked down at a spot on the floor.

"Why?" Leia asked.

"It's a trapdoor and you don't want to know what's down there." Leia looked at her and nodded. About that time, Luke Skywalker dressed all in black showed up. He commanded Jabba to release his friends and Jabba laughed and said his Jedi mind tricks wouldn't work.

Rose leaned over to Leia "What, he trying to do some psychic thing?"

"He's a Jedi. They can influence weak minds," Leia responded.

Rose made face. "Blimey and it didn't work on Jabba the Horrendous. Huh."

Leia tried to warn Luke about the trapdoor but it was too late and he fell in. Everyone crawled up close including Rose and Leia. Rose reached over and held Leia's hand. Rose heard a buzzing noise and looked up to see a brown pinstripe suited bounty hunter with a helmet on waiving merrily at her. Her eyes widened. "Doctor?" she mouthed. He waived his finger "No" at her and shuffled forward to watch Luke face off against the beast below. No one noticed that he kicked some metallic debris in nor that he activated his sonic which caused the giant beast below look to hesitate giving Luke the advantage.

Later, after Luke had defeated the beast and they were on Jabba's huge sand barge all on their way to some ghastly pit to throw the imprisoned Chewbacca, Luke and Han into it, Rose watched Jabba yank Leia to him and feel her up. Rose could certainly empathize. She continued serving Jabba's criminal friends along with her new friend, a little robot known as R2D2. She saw the Doctor and made her way over to him. One of the bounty hunters grabbed her and tried to cop a feel. She struggled and hit him over the hand with the serving tray but it wasn't working. Out of the corner of her eye, she say the Doctor tense up and the blue glow of his sonic as the metal helmet on the lecherous bounty hunter glowed red hot. Rose stumbled away and picked up her decanter heading for the Doctor.

She leaned over to pour. "It's about time. If that disgustin Jabba grabs at me one more time, I'm gonna shove this pitcher down his throat," Rose told him.

"Don't worry he'll get what's coming to him. Um Rose, do you realize what you're wearing?" the Doctor said, as he stared at her bosom.

Rose stopped pouring and glared at him. "No, I have no idea that I'm dressed like a cave strumpet."

"Right. Well it's very fetching. Not many people could pull off that look and…." he babbled and stopped at the look of Tyler rage on her face. "Blimey you look like your mother!" Just as Rose was bout to retort, the floating barge slowed and stopped. Everyone walked over to a viewing window. The Doctor and Rose followed.

"What's goin on? All I see is desert?" Rose asked.

"Ooooo, we're at pit of Carkoon, the nesting place of the all-powerful Sarlacc!" the Doctor said excitedly. "They're to be thrown in. Nasty business that. It's this giant organism that lives in the sand, sort of eats anything that falls in, well in this case, is thrown in. You know it'd take a thousand years to digest them. Fascinating creature the Sarlacc," he mused.

"Doctor," Rose said, not amused.

"Oh, don't worry. They'll be fine. Just watch."

Rose watched as Luke was put out on a plank on the flying skiff that was presently floating over the pit. Just as he was about to be put in, he dropped, bounced off the plank and with an acrobatic move, elegantly flipped over and landed on the skiff catching his light saber which R2D2 had tossed to him.

"Oh, now that's flash!" she commented.

"You think that's flash. He's just a Jedi. I'm a Time Lord and I can show you flash," he bragged.

"You're just jealous cause he has a light saber." Rose replied, as she watched Luke, Chewbacca, Lando and Han fight for their freedom.

The Doctor removed his helmet. "Light saber's nothing compared to a sonic screwdriver," he said, pouting a bit. He scratched at his hair making it stick up even more than normal if that was possible "Blimey that helmet was awful," he said as he pulled out his sonic and aimed it at a control panel shutting all the windows. Several of the bounty hunters looked at him. "Hello," he said and wiggled his fingers hello before he turned and ran. Jabba howled and commanded his henchman to stop him and destroy Luke and company.

Rose turned to Leia who took the chain that tethered her to Jabba's throne and looped around his neck and was strangling him. Rose raced over to the control panel on his throne and began smashing it.

After Leia stumbled backward from her gruesome task, Rose ran over and freed her from the chain and they ran to the top deck. Rose saw the Doctor off to the side and turned to Leia who was greeting Luke who had just arrived and was racing for the giant canon affixed to the ship.

"Right, my ride's here and so is yours. It was nice meetin ya," Rose said and hugged Leia quickly as the Doctor was calling for her. She turned to run and stopped when she heard Leia.

"Hey, Rose! Thanks." Leia said and ran and joined Luke on the canon.

The Doctor grabbed Rose's hand. "Doctor, will they be okay?"

"Oh yes! They're about to put an end to this nasty business. Come on, time for us to make our hasty exit."

"Exit where? We're in the middle of a flippin' desert!" Rose said, looking at a sea of sand.

"Rose Tyler, did I ever tell you my sonic has a sand skiff remote control," he said cockily, as he hit a control and a sand skiff zoomed up. "Allons-y!" he shouted as they jumped down and zoomed away from Jabba's exploding sand cruiser.


End file.
